A Teen’s Perspective: Written by the son of a Gestational Surrogate

In 2011 I was in fourth grade, that is when my mom first told my siblings and I that she was going to be a surrogate. She explained to me that she was going to carry a child for someone who couldn’t have a child on their own, that the child would not be a sibling, and that the child she delivered would go home from the hospital with the parents.  I would be lying if I said that I knew what she was talking about when she first told me about it. As time went on she read us books about surrogacy, and it really helped me understand.

In 2012 my mom completed her first surrogacy, and in 2014 she completed her 2nd surrogacy. Both surrogacies she carried for a single dad who lives just a couple hours away from us. The surrogacy process appears daunting. My mom had to give herself several shots, and remember to take medications several times a day. Honestly, I’m not sure how she remembered all that and stayed on schedule. For her transfers she had to fly to Los Angeles, California several times. Her time in LA ranged from 3 days to 6 days, this was probably the hardest part for me since I missed her while she was gone. We were so used to having her with us all the time. We visit with the family on occasion which I always look forward to. It’s fun to see Mr. M, and his family. They’re all so kind, and treat us like family. I love seeing how much his children have grown, and just how much Mr. M enjoys being a father. You can tell he is really grateful that my mom decided to help his dream of having children become a reality.

In 2016 my mom decided to pursue another surrogacy. This time she decided to help a same sex couple. This surrogacy was different from the last two. My brothers, sisters, and I were more involved in the process. We understood it all a little better and we were able to meet the future dads at the same time as my parents. We met them at a Mexican restaurant where they discussed the upcoming transfer. Upon meeting S & B, I thought they were nice guys, and my mom had made a good choice when she decided to help them. I could tell just by their interaction with us that they were going to make good dads. We were able to see them several times over the  course of the surrogacy, and with each meeting you could feel their excitement about being fathers growing.  Unfortunately, When their son was born, I was out of state. I was unable to witness their initial reaction to meeting their son, but we have seen them a few times over the past few months. They are doting dads and seem genuinely grateful that our family decided to help them. I say “our family” because surrogacy is truly a family effort. Sure, My mom did the hardest part, but we are a team. We were her support system throughout it all.

I’ve been sitting on this blog for awhile now because I’ve been trying to think of a downside to share about surrogacy. Let’s face it, nothing in life is all sunshine and rainbows. The only thing that comes to mind is that when she was on a medication for her first surrogacy, sometimes she was grumpier than normal. There were times during her twin pregnancy that she was just too tired to go do fun things with us. That was a brief amount of time. The good by far outweighs the ‘bad.’   The children she delivered for these families are loved beyond measure, and that makes it all worth it.

If you are a child, and your mom is planning to carry for another person or couple, you may have hesitations or concerns in the beginning. Be open with your mom. Talk with her, and learn why she has decided to help another family. What you learn from her may surprise you. Your communication will be better, and you’ll have an all new respect for your mom.  My mom is planning on carrying again, and I can’t wait. If my mom wanted to carry 3 more times, I’d be supportive.

Through surrogacy I’ve learned that a family can be created in many ways, even if it’s not the ‘norm.’  A family can be a mom/dad, dad/dad, mom/mom, or a single parent household, the main component of a family is love. As long as they have love, that is what matters most. Surrogacy has shown me that my mom has an open mind and THE biggest heart. Surrogacy has taught me to love first and to never judge. I feel like my mom helping these families helped me realize I can talk to her about anything, and she’ll be supportive of me. I don’t know about you all, but I think I have the coolest mom, just don’t tell her I said that.  I even have friends who decided to follow my mom on Insta because they too think my mom is pretty awesome.